Head still bowed, Starbuck maintained his stride through the military habit ingrained over yahrens. His thoughts were yahrens away indeed.
A dim memory of a mother pushing him into the forest, into the hands of strangers.
A more vivid memory of foster parents refusing him their house-name.
Being welcomed as Apollo's new friend and included in his family's activities during the school year - and the emptiness of being the only one in the dorm between terms.
Memories so similar he couldn't remember which ones went with which people - of not being good enough for some parents, of not having the ancestry required by others, of being deemed untrustworthy for no reason other than he couldn't prove by family background that he was, of having no one to support him, encourage him, lend him a shoulder to cry on. Until he became someone who didn't need others and didn't need to be trusted - or maybe didn't dare to trust.
Recent scenes, too, intruded themselves: Adama rushing to greet the warriors returned by Cain, hugging Apollo to him and offering Starbuck a distant arm-grip.
Adama inviting Sheba to become part of his family, Apollo at his side, while Starbuck stepped away from the new family grouping.
All the ones who turned away: Athena turning away from him after the destruction. Apollo turning away from him - first to Serina, then Sheba. Cass, turning away from Starbuck at Cain's return. Chameleon, leaving Starbuck with the bitter taste of "might have been".
And now, had they all left him for dead? Would he be alone, an outsider living among a close-knit family on this Gods-forsaken planetoid?
He rounded the corner of the castle with these desolate thoughts, looking up with a warrior's instinct at some not-quite-heard sound. Looking up to see Apollo and Boomer, weapons drawn and pointed - at him.
Only for a micron, only until they saw it was their buddy, not a Cylon. Only long enough for Starbuck's already broken heart to tear apart further. Not quite long enough for Starbuck to say aloud, "Why did you even bother to come for me?" Just long enough for him to think it.
End