Blue Squadron was gathered in the Ready Room. Lieutenant Starbuck was chatting in low tones to Boomer, Greenbean, and Jolly. Bojay was sprawled on one of the bunks.
Captain Apollo was engaged in his favorite pastime. Watching Starbuck. Watching the range of expressions that cross his friend's face. Of course, he had to be subtle about it. He didn't want to scare Starbuck away. Apollo heaved himself from the chair by the door. He made his way over to the group, placing his hand on Starbuck's shoulder.
"Sorry to break up this stimulating conversation but Starbuck and I are due on patrol in a few centons."
**********************
Starbuck had just settled into his viper when Apollo's voice came over the comm.
"Oh I forgot the tell you. The fleet will be passing by a meteorite shower in a few hectons. We're to do a fly by."
**********************
"There it is. Switching on recorder," Starbuck said as he reached to switch on the recorder.
Starbuck had just switched the recorder on when disaster struck. It happened so quickly that Apollo had to watch the recording to find out what happened but for Starbuck it happened in slow motion.
He didn't see the fragment that cut crossways across his flight path. It was traveling at speed and burned through the canopy. Starbuck screamed as it buried itself in his chest. As he lost consciousness, he saw the metal blast plates slammed shut over the canopy and heard life support worked frantically to replace the lost pressure.
**********************
All the blood drain from Apollo's face as he heard Starbuck's agonized scream. He didn't know what was wrong but it was bad.
"Starbuck?"
Only silence answered. A cold knot of fear settled in Apollo's stomach.
"Galatica! We have an emergency! Something has happened to Starbuck!"
"We are already aware of the situation. Computers registered an abrupt drop in cabin pressure. It looks like the canopy was pierced. The blast plates are in place and life support system replaced the pressure. Lt Starbuck appears to be injured and unconscious."
Apollo fought to get himself under control. Panicking would not help Starbuck. He turned his ships scanners on and pointed them at Starbuck's Viper. He let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding when the scanners showed signs of life.
"Rerouting control through the Galatica. Med Techs will be waiting in the launch bay."
*************************
Apollo was out of his Viper as soon as it landed. He paused only long enough to thrust his helmet to a waiting Tech. As he raced to few yards to Starbuck's ship, he saw that the canopy was open and there were Med Techs surrounding the ship. He blanched when he saw the hole that the plates were sealing.
As he got closer, he saw Dr Salik scanning Starbuck with a handheld unit. //Oh gods, it has to be bad if Dr Salik is here.// Apollo wanted nothing more than to fight his way to his friend's side but he forced himself to stand aside, out of the way but close enough to see.
"Okay, lift him out now. Be careful! Don't jostle him any more than necessary." Dr Salik oversaw Starbuck's transfer to a waiting gurney.
Apollo could not stand not knowing anymore. //But do I actually want to know?// "How is he?"
It was the blonde Med Tech, Cassiopea, that answered him. "Aside from a chest wound caused by the debris, he seems to have suffered no ill effects from the depressurization. His pressure suit saved him."
Apollo let out a sigh of relief. The relief was short lived though. His mouth worked but no sound came out. After a few microns, he found his voice. "Chest wound? How bad?"
For the first time Cassi looked at Apollo. She was shocked to see the look of devastation on his face. She quickly schooled her expression and placed her hand on his shoulder. "It's bad. We wont know how bad until we examine him thoroughly."
**********************
Apollo would have followed the Techs into the lift but Cassi gently pushed him backwards. "Detox," was all she said.
Apollo swore under his breath but moved toward the Detox chamber. The Detox rules were strictly enforced after that virus Boomer and Jolly had unintentionally introduced that had almost wipe out all the pilots. Starbuck would go through a specialize detox in the Life Centre.
************************
Apollo stepped off the lift and turned the corner to head to the Life Centre. He was surprised to see a group of pilots standing off to the side of the entrance. //News travels fast. Bad news spreads like wildfire.//
He was shocked to see his father and Colonel Tigh standing apart from the pilots. Apollo wasn't really surprised, he expected to see one of them here but not both. //Oh gods, it must be really bad if they're both here.// Apollo glanced around, expecting to see Athena but she wasn't there. //Ah, she must be in charge of the bridge.//
Apollo strode to Commander Adama side. "Do we know anything yet?"
"No. They're still examining him." Adama turned to face his son. "What happen? Wasn't there any way to avoid this?"
"I'm not really sure what happen, it happen so quick. I don't think he saw it coming. From what the Galactic told me and what I saw after I landed, I'd say a piece of meteorite pierced the canopy." //and Starbuck.//
**********************
After what seem like centars, Dr Salik came out to speak to Commander Adama. The pilots crowded in close but only close enough to hear. Dr Salik looked around and spoke in a voice loud enough to be heard by all.
"A piece of meteoritic debris pierced Lt Starbuck's canopy and buried itself in his chest. It is lodged near the wall of his heart. We will operate as soon as we get him ready. Unfortunately, since we don't know the chemical composition of the meteorite, we don't know what damage it has already done."
The last was stated flatly, with no anger. Apollo felt himself blush from his hairline to his toes. As Captain it was his job to make sure the proper readings. Besides, that was way he and Starbuck had been out there. //Oh Gods, please don't let Starbuck die because I didn't do my duty.//
"Captain Apollo, my I remind you that it's your job to see to it that those recordings," Colonel Tigh said.
Apollo could only stare at the Colonel. It was Boomer that jumped to Apollo's defence. "He was kind of distracted, sir."
Tigh turned his gaze on Lieutenant Boomer but Apollo was the one that spoke. It's alight Boomer. Colonel Tigh's right. It was my job and I didn't do it. I just hope Starbuck..." He trailed off, looking at his boots.
Dr Salik didn't know what to say. He had simply stated a fact, he didn't intend to blame anyone.
"What's done is done. Finger pointing doesn't help." Commander Adama's voice filled the awkward silence.
"I've got a patient to tend to." With that, Dr Salik disappeared into the Life Centre.
*************************
Several centars later, a very tired looking Dr Salik faced an equally haggard looking Captain Apollo and Commander Adama. Tigh had drifted back to the bridge. The rest of the pilots still had duties.
"How is he? Will he survive?" Apollo asked in a rush.
Dr Salik looked from Apollo expectant face to Adama's guarded one. "Well, he made it though surgery. He's not out of the woods yet. We removed the fragment and had it analyzed. It doesn't seem to be composed of anything that caused added damage."
At this, Apollo and Adama relaxed visibly.
"Starbuck is resting comfortably." Dr Salik continued. "He is very weak from blood loss and shock. He is in a private room. I want him to have peace and quiet."
"Can I see him?"
"He is under heavy sedation. He won't wake for another hecton at least."
"Can I see him?" Apollo repeated.
Dr Salik let out a sigh and ran his hand through his hair. "Okay but only for a few minutes." He held the door open for Apollo.
Adama moved to follow Apollo but Dr Salik held up his hand to stop him. "One at a time."
Apollo turned in time to see his father nod. Adama gave his son a gentle smile and made a shooing motion with his hands.
Apollo acknowledged his father with a soft smile and a softer "thank you."
********************************
Apollo followed Dr Salik through the Life Centre to a small private room. Cassi looked up and gave Apollo a small smile as he pasted her. Dr Salik left him alone in Starbuck's room, reminding him again to stay only a few minutes.
Apollo brushed a stray lock of blond hair back from a pale forehead. Starbuck was hooked up to a machine that had all kinds of tubes sticking out of it. One tube was larger then the others and run down Starbuck's throat, helping him breathing.
Apollo glanced around the room, paying close attention to the corners at ceiling level. He knew the Life Centre's rooms where wired for video and sound but he wasn't sure where it was located in this room. //Ah, there it is.//
Apollo maneuvered so his back was to the camera and blocking the view of the bed. He didn't want anyone else to hear or see him. When he was sure that the camera would not pick up his movements, he picked up Starbuck's hand and kissed it. Not releasing the hand he bent down so he could whisper in Starbuck's ear. "Please come back to me Starbuck. I love you. I always have. I want you to get better so I can show you how much I love you."
Apollo placed Starbuck's hand back on the bed and straighten up. He smiled ruefully. "Well, I have to go before Dr Salik comes and kicks me out. I have some reports to finish but I will be back. I promise."
************************
Apollo kept his promise over the secton, spending the bulk of his off duty time at Starbuck's side. That cause speculation among the crew but it was attributed to the friendship between the two men and Apollo's fear that Starbuck was going to die. All this time Starbuck never woke up.
Apollo rounded the corner and stopped in his tracks. Cassi was sitting in one of the chairs outside the Life Centre and she was crying. //Oh dear Gods no.// "Cassi?" He touched her shoulder as he eased into the chair beside her.
"Apollo," Cassi moaned as she buried her face in Apollo's chest. "He's gone," she whispered brokenly. //Oh Starbuck. You were getting better. You didn't need that damn machine to breath for you.// Apollo pulled Cassi closer. "He died all alone. Nobody was with him." Cassi cried harder.
*****************************
Apollo had no idea what happened to Cassi or how he got to his quarters. He found himself curled up in the middle of his bed. As he let the tears fall, he felt like his heart had been ripped out. //Oh Starbuck, I should have been there. It would have killed me but I should have been there with you.//
//I should have told you how I felt about you but I was afraid to tell you. I feared you would turn away from me in disgust. I didn't want to risk our friendship and lose you. I was a coward and look what it got me. I lost you anyway.//
The door chime interrupted his train of thought. He sniffed and wiped his face with his sleeve as he scooted of his bed. He made his way over and opened the door.
Colonel Tigh studied the disheveled figure standing in front of him, taking in the tear stained face and dejected stance. He had always harbored a suspicion that Apollo carried a secret love for his egmatic wingmate. Apollo spending so much time at the Life Centre and how he reacted to Starbuck's death confirmed it. Apollo did love Starbuck.
"Your father wants to see you in his office." Having delivered the message and not knowing what else to say, Tigh squeezed Apollo's shoulder before he turned to leave.
Apollo sighed as he close the door. He went to get cleaned up a bit before he went to see his father.
**************************
Apollo paused outside his fathers door and took a steadying breath before he pressed the door chime. He stepped through the door when his father bade him enter.
Adama was shocked by Apollo's drawn and pale face. Adama, himself, had been hit hard by the death of the man he thought of as another son but it had must have really hit his son hard. Adama knew that Apollo was in love with Starbuck. Parents had a way of knowing. He didn't care. Oh, he would have preferred Apollo to have fallen in love with a woman but as long Apollo was happy that's all that mattered. And Apollo appeared happy, until now.
Adama studied his son as he sat on the couch. Apollo look terrible. He hadn't looked this bad when Serina had died. Adama wondered agaign if this was such an good idea. Yes, it was. Apollo needed to see this.
"Apollo, there is something you should see," Adama gestured at the holo projector on his desk. "Dr Salik."
Apollo looked from the projector to Dr Salik, as if just noticing both for the first time.
Dr Salik smiled gently at Apollo. "As you know all the rooms in the Life Centre are wired for sound and video. And Lt Starbuck's room was no exception. And as you also know, unfortunately no one was with him when he died. This is a recording of that event. I think you need to see it."
Apollo had tears in his eyes as he nodded to his father to turn the projector on. "Dr Salik and myself are the only other people who have seen this. Starbuck was semiconscious at the end. I know this will be hard but you need to see it," Adama said as he turn on the projector.
An image of Starbuck lying in the Life Centre filled a corner of the room. Apollo sat up and watch intently.
For a full centon the Starbuck in the image was still and silent. Suddenly he started to thrash his head and moan. After a few centons he stilled. There where tears squeezing out from under closed eyelids. In a soft but clear voice he whispered, "I'm sorry Apollo." He mouthed something then the holo cut off.
Adama shut the projector off. "We're still trying to figure out what he mouthed."
Apollo got up and walked to the desk. He popped the holo cube from the machine. As he weighed it in his hand, he asked, "is this the only copy?" At Dr Salik and his father's confirmation, he dropped the cube and ground it to dust under his heel.
"Apollo, what are up doing?!"
Apollo looked at his father. "I know what he said. It was a message for me and only me. I'd appreciate it if you forgot you ever saw it." Not waiting for a reply, he walked out the door.
***************************
Apollo managed to hold it together until he made it to the privacy of his quarters. Just barely. Once inside, he leaned back against the door and let the tears fall. He slide down to the floor.
//Oh Starbuck, why didn't you tell me sooner. Why?// For the words Starbuck mouthed had been 'I love you too.'
//Were you as scared as I was? Were you afraid that I turn you away, reject you? Oh love, we've wasted so much time and now your gone.//
Apollo cried himself out and fell asleep still sitting on the floor. Several centars later he slipped sideways...
...And woke up when he fell out of bed in a tangle of covers. He run his hand through his sleep tousled hair. A dream, it had all been a dream. No, a nightmare. One he didn't really remember. Just a vague tangle of images that he could make no sense of. Most of the images where of Starbuck. Suddenly Apollo was gripped by a nameless fear. He needed to confess his love to Starbuck. And he needed to now how Starbuck felt.
He called up the lights as he climbed to his feet. He glanced at the bedside chronometer. Just enough time to shower and grab a quick bite to eat before he and Starbuck were due on patrol. He'd talk to Starbuck afterwards.
******************************
Starbuck and Apollo met in the corridor and rode in the lift together down to the launch bay.
Starbuck glanced over at Apollo. "Are you alright?" he questioned. "You look a little pale."
"I fine. I'm just a little tired I guess." Apollo briefly hesitated before adding, "I'd like to speak to you privately in my quarters when we get back."
"Sure."
**************************
Starbuck had just settled into his viper when Apollo's voice came over the comm.
"Oh, I forgot the tell you. The fleet will be passing by a meteorite shower in a few hectons. We're to do a fly by."
Apollo was hit with a sense of deja vu. //I've said this before. No...I couldn't have...could I?//
**********************
"There it is. Switching on recorder," Starbuck said as he reached to switch on the recorder.
Starbuck had just switched the recorder on when disaster struck. It happened so quickly that Apollo had to watch the recording to find out what happened but for Starbuck it happened in slow motion.
He didn't see the fragment that cut crossways across his flight path. It was traveling at speed and burned through the canopy. Starbuck screamed as it buried itself in his chest. As he lost consciousness, he saw the metal blast plates slam shut over the canopy and heard life support working frantically to replace the lost pressure.
**********************
All the blood drained from Apollo's face as he heard Starbuck's agonized scream. All of a sudden, his dream came rushing back to him. //No, no, no! Dear Gods, this *can't* be happening.//
"Galatica! We have an emergency! A meteorite fragment pierced Starbuck's canopy. He's in trouble."
"We are already aware of the situation. Computers registered an abrupt drop in cabin pressure. The blast plates are in place and the life support systems replaced the pressure. Lt Starbuck appears to be injured and unconscious."
Apollo fought to recall the details of his dream. There was something important that he needed to do. //Think Apollo. The one you love's life many depend on it. That's it! I need to get a complete scan of the meteorites.// He turned his ships scanners on and pointed them at the meteorite field. //I'm not going to let you down this time Starbuck.//
"Rerouting control through the Galatica. Med Techs will be waiting in the launch bay."
*************************
There *was* a chemical compound in the meteorites that caused a subtle deterioration of the muscles in humans. Armed with this knowledge, Dr Salik was able to stop the damage to Starbuck's heart. Apollo breathed a sigh of relief and thank the Gods that he'd got a chance to correct his mistake.
Over the next secton Starbuck improved. Within in hecton and half, he was awake. Weak but awake. They had removed the respirator now that he was able to breath on his own.
Apollo spent almost all of his off duty hours at Starbuck's side. If Starbuck thought this odd, he didn't say anything. In fact he seemed to thrive on Apollo's attention. Starbuck was oddly touched that Apollo cared that much about him.
*****************************
Apollo slipped quietly into Starbuck's private room. Starbuck was sleeping peacefully and Apollo was loathed to wake him. Apollo carefully set down in the chair by Starbuck's bedside. For several centons, he just watched Starbuck sleeping. He bent forward and placed a kiss on the cool brow, not caring if the camera caught it or who saw it. He had been given a second chance and he wasn't going to waste it.
As Apollo sat back in the chair, Starbuck woke and smiled.
"Hi," Starbuck said, reaching to place his hand on Apollo's knee.
Unconsciously Apollo moved forward in the chair so Starbuck could reach without having to stretch.
"How do you feel?" Apollo asked.
"Like I've been run over by a pack of wild Daggits."
"That good huh?" Apollo replied with a small laugh.
"Cassi said I can get out of here within the secton."
Apollo frowned. //That's a little soon. He *has* been in here a three sectons but still...// His train of thought was derailed when Starbuck gently shook his knee.
"Galactica to Apollo. Apollo, come in," Starbuck said with a smile.
All signs of jokes gone, Starbuck asked, "Apollo what's wrong?"
Apollo sighed and stroked Starbuck's forehead "I'm just worried about you."
Starbuck smiled and patted Apollo's knee. "I'm fine." He added when Apollo frowned at him. "Okay. I'm weak but I'm fine. Really."
Starbuck stroked the frown lines on Apollo's face. "You have been frowning entirely to much lately. We'll have to work on that when I get out here."
Apollo laughed softly and squeezed Starbuck's hand. "It's a date."
*************************
Good to his word, Dr Salik released Starbuck at the end of the secton with strict instructions to take it easy.
*************************
Starbuck followed Apollo into Apollo's quarters. Apollo had rarely let Starbuck out of his sight since his release. It was starting to grate on his nerves. Starbuck needed, even relished, Apollo's fussing, now it was driving him crazy.
Starbuck crossed the room and sat down on the sofa. Apollo grabbed a blanket from the end of the sofa and spread it of Starbuck's lap.
Starbuck just sighed. "This has got to stop Apollo."
"What has to stop?"
Starbuck patted the sofa next to him. "Sit down."
Apollo moved to comply. Starbuck waited until he was settled before he continued.
"You've got to stop this fussing over me."
Apollo bite his lower lip and looked over at Starbuck. "I only want to make sure you're comfortable and don't stain yourself."
Starbuck placed a hand on Apollo's shoulder. "I know," he said with a smile. "And I know for some reason you blame yourself for what happened to me. It's not like you could have prevented it."
Apollo was busy trying to ignore the warmth of Starbuck's hand on his shoulder, he almost missed what Starbuck said. The last sentence snagged his attention.
Apollo looked down at his clasped hands in his lap. "That's just it," he said softly, sadly. "I could have prevented it."
Starbuck dropped his hand and frowned. "What do you mean?"
Apollo sighed and run his hand through his hair. //Oh Gods, where do I start? How do I tell him?// He drew a deep breath and looked in Starbuck's blue eyes.
"Remember, in the lift before our patrol, you asked if I was okay? Right before that I had a nightmare. I was trying to remember it. I had an uneasy feeling it was important and something bad was going to happen to you if I didn't remember. And it did."
Starbuck was getting a little uneasy at the guilt and self-recrimination he saw in those too green eyes. That unease gave his voice a sharp edge.
"And what would you have done if you had remembered before the patrol? Ground me?"
Misinterpreting the sharpness as anger, Apollo jumped to his feet and started pacing.
"Frac," he swore under breath. Out loud he said, "yes, if I had remembered I would have grounded you." A tear slide down his cheek. Voice trembling and head down, he continued, "but not for the reason you think."
Apollo didn't hear Starbuck move. Suddenly warm hands settled on his shoulders.
"So tell me," Starbuck said. "Hey, you're trembling."
Apollo turned and laid his head on Starbuck's chest and slipped his arms around Starbuck's waist.
"It's all my fault," Apollo sobbed into Starbuck's chest. "It's my fault you got hurt. In my dream you died because I didn't do my job."
The hands that had been stroking his back momentarily stilled before starting rubbing in slow circles. "Huh?" Starbuck asked, confusion lacing his voice.
In the silence that followed, Starbuck steered Apollo to the sofa, sitting down beside him. He stared into the hazel depths of Apollo's eyes as if searching for the answer to an unspoken question.
Apollo was losing in those liquid blue eyes when he heard the soft spoken question. "Tell me about your dream."
Apollo shook himself and curled into a ball against the corner of the sofa, his unfocused gaze on the floor.
Starbuck was shocked. He had never seen his friend so visible shaken before. All he wanted to do was pull Apollo into an embrace and never let go. He understood that Apollo needed space and needed to proceed at his own pace.
"I could have prevented it. Everything happened the same as in the dream up until you...got hurt. Oh Gods, Starbuck, I'm so sorry. If only I had remembered sooner..."
Apollo thought he was cried out, he was wrong.
Starbuck pulled Apollo in an embrace.
Apollo snuggled into the embrace and laid his head on Starbuck's shoulder. Starbuck was struck by how right and good it felt.
Apollo didn't want to talk...especially about his dream. He just wanted to forget. In Starbuck's arms he felt comforted. There was one question that he needed to know the answer to.
Apollo pulled back and looked at Starbuck. "Do you love me?"
Starbuck cocked his head and stared at his friend. Apollo's heart plummeted. Apparently Starbuck didn't return his feelings. He just hoped that he hadn't ruined their friendship.
Suddenly Starbuck broke out in a ear to ear grin. "Of course I love you."
With that, Starbuck leant in a capture Apollo's lips in a kiss. After a startled moment, Apollo parted his lips under Starbuck's gently probing tongue. Starbuck's tongue greedily explored Apollo's mouth.
They finally broke apart when the need for oxygen became too great.
"Wow," said a slightly dazed Apollo. It was all he could manage at the moment.
Starbuck smiled as he drew back to look into Apollo's face. Apollo had a silly grin on his face.
Apollo knew he must look like an idiot but he couldn't help it. This was not what he expected. He expect a rejection, a fiery denial or maybe anger, not this calm acceptance and return of his feelings. If he had doubts that Starbuck loved him, that first kiss had erased all doubts.
Starbuck stroked Apollo's cheek. Apollo slid his hands under Starbuck's black shirt. Since Starbuck was still on sick leave, he was wearing a black shirt and black pants. Starbuck moaned as Apollo slid his hands up Starbuck's bare back.
Starbuck felt like his brain was going to short circuit when Apollo's hands slid around to glide over his chest. Starbuck shivered.
Apollo smiled widely when he felt Starbuck shiver. Apollo worked on removing the shirt. Starbuck, realizing what his lover wanted, helped with the removal.
After his shirt was a puddle of cloth on the floor, Starbuck pulled away from Apollo. "Umm...Apollo?"
Apollo ran his hands over Starbuck's chest. "Yes, my love?"
Starbuck groaned as Apollo leaned in and kissed his left nipple. It took him a moment to realize that Apollo had answered.
"I...oh yeah...forgot...mmmmm...what I wanted to ask you."
Apollo grinned. He switched his attention to the other nipple. "Then maybe it wasn't important."
Starbuck tangled his fingers in Apollo's hair. He gently tugged his lover's head from his chest so he could look Apollo in the eye.
"What if Boxey walks in?"
Apollo smiled and gripped his beloved wrists and brought Starbuck's hands to his chest.
"Boxey is on a sleep-over at a friends."
Starbuck grinned as he rubbed Apollo's chest. It was Apollo's turn to groan. "In that case, Let's adjourn to the bedroom and get more comfortable," Starbuck whispered, standing and pulling his lover into an embrace.
"I like the way you think Lieutenant," Apollo said before zeroing in for a quick kiss.
Starbuck sucked on Apollo's tongue and felt his knees weaken. He would have fallen if not for the support of Apollo's arms.
Apollo felt Starbuck sag against him and he smiled wickedly. Shedding clothes, Apollo lead Starbuck into the bedchamber.
**********************
As the door to the bedchamber slide closed, the door to Boxey's room slide open. Boxey stood there with a smile on his face. He'd heard everything. Now he could go to that sleep-over.
finis Sept. 29, 1999